Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
