you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
