did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
