who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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