Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
