he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
