my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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