dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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