whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
