hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
