dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize