Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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