we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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