I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
