I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
