I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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