Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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