Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
