I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
