He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We are all done wearing pants today
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
