my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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