You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
