I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
