Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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