just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
