I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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