I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
