i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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