Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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