My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
