My first STD was from a foam party
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
