so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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