i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
