Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
