It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
