erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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