Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
