Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
