Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
