drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
