Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
