I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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