thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
