Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
