well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
