Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
