we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
