A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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