my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I will pee on everything he values.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
