white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?