Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.