You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here