How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"