sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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