she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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