i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
