I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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