blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
