I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
