she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Are we still banned from the library?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
