somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
