his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Everyone says I win the strip club
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
