You made me cry and you don't even care
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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