I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
