I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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