is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
