i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
