Who wears a wallet chain?!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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