Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
