none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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