i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
