I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
